Dreaming My Life Away

This post is part of Duane Scott's blog carnival Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays. Read more disturbed stories here:

This is a hard post for me…my thoughts are not all worked out yet but here it is…raw and uncensored. Please bear with me.

I had a strange dream last night and it didn’t disturb me until I was driving to work (which BTW, is a huge spoiler for this post). In my dream I was talking to a woman sitting at her desk at work, she was depressed and weary. Holding a little cardboard tray box this is what she shared…

“I collect these you know…she points to a stack under her desk…at least it seems that way. Everyday, after buying lunch at the cafeteria, I eat lunch at my desk…neatly stacking the box when I’m through.”

I look; the stack is dusty with years of history. She continues as I stare wondering…

“I had dreams, plans to make a difference…to do something remarkable. Instead, I collect cardboard boxes and neatly fold them under my desk…(she’s crying now)…I feel…stuck and unable to change.”

Taking her hand in mine I say…”Why don’t you eat outside today?

Puzzled…she looks up at me and with a quivering voice asks…You mean…I can do that?”

Driving to work the dream hit me hard. I realized, like the woman in the dream, I am satisfied with collecting little cardboard trays and looking for ways to keep the stacks neat and tidy. I have settled for something less than what God has for me. It has to do with my job, which I’m grateful to have but I feel…” stuck and unable to change.”

I have worked at the same place for longer than I care to talk about and after many years of praying for release I felt God gave me permission to change direction…(brutal honest moment here) that was three years ago. Here I sit, collecting yet another cardboard box…wondering how it happened.

Processing at work sucks…

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11: 1

So, there it is…raw and unfinished. As my faith is being stretched and as I repent throughout the day…I want to stay disturbed.

Do you? Can you pray this with me?

Disturb Us, Lord – 1577 - A Prayer by Francis Drake

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the Waters of Life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery:
Where losing sight of land
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push us in the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

LiveJournal Tags: ,


Michael said…
I'm in bro. I used that prayer a while back for a paper I had to write.
Jay Cookingham said…
It's a powerful prayer isn't it...always shakes me.
jasonS said…
I am definitely with you, sir. I'm praying for and with you.
Jay Cookingham said…
Jason I am grateful...really, for your prayers!
Bill (cycleguy) said…
Why is it so many people are trapped by their fear of "going outside to eat?" I should be able to answer that since I have lived inside over the years. With God's grace never again. I want to enjoy the adventure that is found outside. If it means being disturbed (although some would say I already am) then so be it. Loved the story but loved the application even more. Thanks Jay for the prayer.
Jay Cookingham said…
Bill, I thank you for your wise and encouraging words...I too long for more "outside" time!
HisFireFly said…
Oh yes.. disturb me, Lord!

Let me not be satisfied with anything but Your best, not for me but for the glory of Your name!
Ginny (MAD21) said…
Wonderful post, Jay. Know you are not the only one struggling to find their footing on a new path. As I tell my daughters when they get frustrated... focus on the goal. Why are we here. Who loves us more?
Jay Cookingham said…
Ginny, So true...He loves us completely.
Jay Cookingham said…
Only His best...Amen!
LLusito said…
OMG!! I could so relate to this! I have been stuck in so many ways, but don't know how to get unstuck!!! What do I do? I don't even know what direction to take.
Jay Cookingham said…
For me (and this may help you) I need to remember that I am His and His alone. Getting unstuck takes a mixture of repenting (for believing a lie) and worship (for being set free) Going "outside" is realizing that the Father has given us not only the permission but the power to be free. It takes a step of faith and believing in His goodness. Praying for you sis'
Anne Lang Bundy said…
Lord, I do ask for Jay that you will open his eyes and heart to the boldness You would give him, and all the blessings You're waiting to pour out upon him. And I thank You for his courage to share.
Duane2scott said…
This hardly meets the disturbed bill, but it definitely meets the pleasant. I love that God is calling you for something more.

And I'm praying you find it.

And that He shows it to you.
Jay Cookingham said…
Duane...thanks bro, I appreciate very much your kind words of encouragement.
Jay Cookingham said…
Anne, thank you for the prayer...I say amen to that!
Nithin009ster said…
Nice prayer. Really thought provoking. Yes at times, when glories are achieved, its more off sitting back in comfort.
Jay Cookingham said…
Thanks for dropping by!
I can do that?

Love this prayer! Perfectly disturbing.
Jay Cookingham said…
Thanks Sandra! The prayer is one that I repeat often!
FaithBarista said…
I agree with Duane -- this is far from disturbed... but I do understand it is disturbing to the soul. I like the title of your serman "God Has Your Number"... I know He'll continue to fill your cup as it gets poured out empty. No doubt 'bout it.
Jay Cookingham said…
Thank you so much for your insight and encouragement!

Popular Posts