Something really powerful happened to me recently, something that has changed the way I see myself. First a little back-story…I apologize for the length.
Work has been insane; I’m entrenched in server migrations, web design, book design and my everyday IT duties. Late hours and countless meetings suck the creativity right out of me on a daily basis and resentment crept in like a fog over my spirit. I was a mess inside…but I kept on like a good solider.
Since the beginning of 2011 I felt like Father God was going to release me into my dream (read Stepping Out here) but now, almost 4 months later I am more entrenched at work than ever. The past few weeks I have been in and out of funky town (put a song in your head didn’t I?), which was most unpleasant. I discovered on one of these trips that I had made a huge agreement with the enemy.
Somehow I decided that God was protecting me from…me. He knew that I would fail as a speaker/author/ministry guy so He was keeping me SAFE at my job. God knew that I didn’t have what it takes, so He was giving me what I could handle…and I bought this big time! I walked around with this agreement for weeks and it was slowly undoing me.
One day last week God asked me to read Ezra…
“Now in the first year of Cyrus king of Persia, that the word of the LORD by the mouth of Jeremiah might be fulfilled, the LORD stirred up the spirit of Cyrus king of Persia, that he made a proclamation throughout all his kingdom, and put it also in writing, saying, (2) Thus saith Cyrus king of Persia, The LORD God of heaven hath given me all the kingdoms of the earth; and he hath charged me to build him a house at Jerusalem, which is in Judah.” Ezra 1:1-2
After reading these Scriptures God asked me an interesting question….
God asked me, “Jay, what are you building”?
Honestly, I didn’t know any more so I just closed the Bible and decided to ponder that question for a while. It didn’t take long for God to give me direction and correction.
I was clearing out some old paperwork and came across a letter that my wife wrote to honor me on one of my birthdays, I won’t bore you with the whole letter but there was this one section that grabbed me by the throat.
“Some men build massive skyscrapers, awesome bridges, complex computers, things which can be destroyed. My man builds lives.”
I realized that I had forgotten what God has called me to, so I asked God why did I believe a lie? Here comes the correction part.
“You have been so busy asking your own question, “When are you going to let me do what I want?” to hear the truth about yourself.”
Ouch…but that gentle rebuked stirred up in my spirit and I feel the charge again of my Father to build lives. It is not a matter of getting what I want; it’s a matter of obeying the call of the Father. I broke the agreement I made with the enemy and I see clearer now than I have in months.
“God often takes a course for accomplishing His purposes directly contrary to what our narrow views would prescribe. He brings a death upon our feelings, wishes, and prospects when He is about to give us the desire of our hearts.”
- John Newton
“When I took a long, careful look at your ways, I got my feet back on the trail you blazed.” Psalm 119:59 (The Message)
What about you, have you allowed agreements with lesser things to rob you? What is the Father charging you to build? I would love to hear your thoughts and to pray for you.