My Freedom Story

 


freedom

If you have been around Soulfari for any length of time, you probably know my story. Yet, I felt moved by the Holy Spirit to share it in a different way today. I know it has a lot to do what happen to me this past Sunday (more on that in a day or two) and the Father’s heart towards forgiveness. Praying this will speak to you all…He is a awesome God and fantastic Father! – Blessings, Jay

I grew up in an abusive home; my father’s cruelty was part of everyday life. His words and name-calling crushed my spirit, it stunted my emotional growth and I grew callous and hard. When I turned twelve, another darker form of abuse started, my dad began sexually assaulting me. It was all I could handle, I felt ashamed, hurt and betrayed. Somehow, I began to think it all had to be my fault. I turned to drinking and drugs, trying to dull the pain and the guilt I held inside.

This sick pattern continued until I was 17 and able physically to stand up to my father. The physical and sexual abuse stopped but not the verbal cruelty. Up to this point, my dad dominated my life, and he was an oppressor. His presence occupied my life with cruelty and pain. That oppression left deep wounds that inhibited my growth as a young man. It left me with a spiritual lameness and a desire for death.

I needed someone to overthrow that dictatorship and restore freedom; I needed the loving-kindness of Father God. The Heavenly Father forever changed my life. Through His kindness, He healed me and melted my cold stony heart. Unlike my dad, God was understanding, kind, and approachable. For the first time in my life I found the hope and acceptance I longed for. Father God knew I needed a heart transplant and He describes a potent one in the book of Ezekiel.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws” Ezekiel 36:26

And one in the Book of Psalms

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” Psalm 51:10

The path to choose for me was forgiveness; I had to forgive my dad. To stop being a victim I needed to forgive him, it matter not that he deserved forgiveness or didn’t deserve it. What mattered to God was my freedom and healing. Freedom from the prison of wounds and the poison of abuse took one brave step, the choice to forgive. I didn’t feel like forgiving and didn’t want to forgive but Father God convinced me that was the only way to be free of the pain. When I forgave my dad, the healing of my heart began. I was no longer bound to the vile words spoken to me as a child or the wounds they caused.

I am free…but not without scars. Please watch the short video and see what I mean and please answer this question.

Do you know…really know in you core…that the Father loves you?

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Comments

bill (cycleguy) said…
What a powerful post and video Jay.  I look forward to the day I can meet you in person and share hearts/stories.  I was never a victim of abuse but was one of "pick and choose love."  As long as I played baseball I felt my father's love. I changed to basketball and he lost interest. His own heart was scarred by his father's abuse.  I broke that cycle with my girls and now can truly say I  KNOW THE FATHER'S LOVE.  Thanks.  (Also looking forward to hearing what happened Sunday)
Jay Cookingham said…
Looking forward to that day as well my friend...it'll be a blast! Thanks for your comments and I'm glad you broke that cycle brother!
S. Etole said…
The power unleashed through forgiveness is no small thing. What a powerful testimony you have shared.
Jay Cookingham said…
Thanks Susan...forgiveness is such a powerful restoring agent...I am blessed the Father showed me how.
floyd said…
That was power shot to the soul. I had no idea, but after catching my internal breath I'm not surprised. After all, this is the God of the cosmos who chose and heals all of us. 

We all have scars of one form or another and your great insight and wisdom from God himself sheds a deeper light into our souls and reveals the scars that point to the power and redemption of our Father who resides there. 

And He is perfect...

Thanks Jay, indeed God has given you a powerful witness for Himself...
Jay Cookingham said…
How wonderful it is that God uses ALL our stories to reach and bless others. Each one of our stories is a powerful reminder of His great love. Thanks Bro'
Jim F. said…
What powerful testimony my friend!  Thanks for sharing it!
Jay Cookingham said…
God is so very good...thanks bro'
Michael said…
I join you, Jay, in high praise to our Sovereign Liege Lord Jesus! How wonderfully does His Spirit work in you to redeem the evil to the glory of God. "I will praise the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips." (Psalm 34:1) The way out always lies through the thorns. I love you, brother!
Jay Cookingham said…
Hey Mike, I love ya too...isn't it great that we are His sons!
Dan Black said…
Thank you for being willing to share your story. I grow up in a broken home. Being the youngest my older siblings got and remember a lot of the verbal and  emotional abuse. I was still to young to know what was fully going on and my mother divorced and moved away before I was old enough to know what was going on. Over the years God has showed me His fatherly love and brought father figures into my life. When I was 18 years old my father died, on his death bed I was not able to fully verbally forgive him but since he died God has healed my heart from the scares and unknown scares. Great post.
Jay Cookingham said…
Dan, I appreciate your honesty bro' It's amazing how similar many men stories are. I'm glad that God has healed and restore much in your life. Bless ya!
Joanne Norton said…
As we have shared with each other before, the physical and sexual abuse can destroy in so many ways...and yet our Lord is  BIGGER and  truly our Savior.  He breaks through all those walls we put in place for our own protection and brings us to spiritual health in a way we could never have imagined.  Thank you for sharing in ways that people need.
Jay Cookingham said…
Isn't it wonderful that when God restores...He does it better than we can ever hope for? Thanks Joanne!
Eddy Damas said…
Powerful testimony Jay! Remember that beside's God's unfailing love, you also have the family of God who loves ya!
Jay Cookingham said…
Thanks bro'...God has done great things!

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