I seriously doubt my leadership ability at times and wonder about how uninspiring my message can seem. Strange… isn’t that a pastor’s job? To be inspiring and lead a great charge across the landscape of the enemy, winning the battle and the day?
I fret, pray, dream, sweat and lay awake at nights just pondering the effectiveness of my life and the impact it has on others. I dive into Scripture, talk to men far wiser than I and wrestle with questions like a cage fighter on steroids.
My heart seems in a perpetual state of being tugged.
That’s the haunting reality of being a visionary…pulled in one direction…tugged in another. Trying your best to submit to Father God’s leading at one moment…possibly running away in the next. We visionaries can be a chore to understand and deal with, we often see things that are…well, not there…yet. Which means we may get annoyed that others aren’t as excited about something that seems so real to us but may be as faint as a mirage to them.
This is where faith needs to step in…and helps me understand the tug.
“To the best of my understanding, faith is trusting God enough to obey what He has said, and hope is having the confidence that God will do everything He has promised. One pushes you; the other pulls you.” Erwin McManus
This push me, pull me, tugging sensation is the tension of following Christ, abandoning my selfish desires and pursuing His and His alone. It’s the leading of the Holy Spirit, placing us, positing us and aligning our will with the Father’s. What we see…or don’t see is not as important as what we know.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
That’s the substance that a visionary like me needs…how’ll about you? Where has faith tugged you lately?