There's a powerful message in this...I hope it ministers to you.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Friday, June 5, 2015
“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”-Mignon McLaughlin
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
I've share my testimony in blog posts, sermons, men's events and one-on-one counseling sessions... it is time for something new.
At the encouragement of my wife and much prayer, I started a new writing project. "My Story of Freedom: Forgiveness and Letting Go" is the story/testimony of how God transformed my life. How does one recover from growing up in an abusive home? This book will chronicle all the life events that Father God used to set me free and help answer that question.
And it's a big question.
Approximately 1.8 million adolescents in the United States have been the victims of sexual assault. These are the reported or discovered ones... each number a person... each one a story of pain. I see such overwhelming stats my heart spins and I wonder if my story will make a difference in theirs. Perhaps if I was a famous athlete, actor, rock star, or politician, my reach would go further... impact more.
But because I am free... I must share His work of freedom.
"God's work is freedom. Freedom is dear to his heart. He wishes to make man's will free, and at the same time wishes it to be pure, majestic, and holy." - E. H. CHAPIN, Living WordsThe cover is a pre-design to just keep me motivated. Please pray for me as I work hard to complete this project and hopefully help others with my story!
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Psalm 119:32 (NIV)
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
For over a month now my spirit seems unsettled and living on the edge of something I can't quite understand. This particular discomfort is like looking over your shoulder and expecting something or someone to be behind you but finding only your imagination at work. Not creepy but puzzling just the same. It seems to be a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty... throwing in a dash of curiosity and you have a hint of what I'm feeling lately. Not "bad" but uncomfortable, not anxious but so "not sure" of why I'm feeling this way.
And I'm OK with that.
It could be connected to being husband, father, brother, pastor and the array of different responsibilities they all contain. Combine responsibilities with difficulties, struggles and worries and you might just have the right cocktail mix to intoxicate a spirit with un-ease.
Yet, I don't think so... it's deeper than that... maybe I'm just disturbed.
I feel dragged in a different direction than what I'm accustomed to, pulled away from the mechanical and self-driven pistoned responses (the things that revolve around me) to life. These eroding forces combine their efforts to expose the deepest part of who I am... quite effectively I may add.
When God messes with me, He reveals stuff! This may not be good for keeping my ego intact but it's crucial for growing as a human being and more importantly, growing closer to Him.
A covenant relationship with God requires disclosure, a transparency that He is already acquainted with, since He knows my frame. The disclosure is for my sake, I need to see through myself and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me in that discovery. This disturbance pilgrimage yields hidden places that need surrender, a holy sacrifice offering my heart up in new ways. His love purifies and refines my heart and helps me re-find the lost treasure my heart is.
Finding my heart again is one reason I believe God messes with me. My heart is valuable to Father God, He fought for it, and He redeemed it and made it alive again. This search and rescue mission proves the value of my heart and helps make sense of the time when I feel so restless.
My heart is restless because it is hungry. I am losing (thankfully) my grip on the things that cause my heart to drift and lose it's appetite for more of God. The disruption of my life by a Holy God, messes with me... this shaking, a sacred disturbance of what I thought was important only to discover the shallowness of that mindset. When my "normal" is challenged by the Father, the false harmony of my life is revealed, the tune unrecognizable from the arrangement God had intended my life to sound like.
We have a God who grants us independence —free will— but asks and desires that we depend on Him, so that we can experience life with Him. For me, restlessness is a craving for His order in my life, a hunger for more of Him and for my Father to re-tune my heart to resonant with His. It's this huge opportunity to lose myself in the wonder of His love and gain the freedom my soul desperately needs to.
This is what we gain by losing.
Jesus has a different vision of maturity: It is the ability and willingness to be led where you would rather not go. - Henri Nouwen
And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?
I wonder…what do you think we gain by losing?
Thursday, April 2, 2015
My neighbors shouted for me to hurry, to drop what I was doing and follow them. They ran ahead, their excited voices forcibly joining the crowd we were running towards. The last thing I heard clearly was…
He was coming.
The air was filled with dust and anger, and in fear, I almost turned back. Instead, I jostled for position against the mob that lined the street. I flexed my broad shoulders and squeezed my way to the front, not caring about the bruises I gave or received by doing so. I wiped my eyes, trying to free them from the dust assaulting them. I wanted to hush the people around me, gather my bearings and find him in the crowd. I followed their pointed fingers and their jeers to the person walking down the street… he was coming.
My neighbors lied…this couldn’t be him…it was hardly a man. This was a walking, bloody mass of sorrow. Who could do that to such a man like him? It just couldn’t be him!
I followed, weaving through the families, the merchants and soldiers, struggling to keep pace with a man weighed down by a tree. The pointed fingers turned to clenched fists and the anger grew into hatred, cold and brutal, such like I’ve never witnessed before. The grotesqueness of the crowd mirrored this man’s wounds… raw and unforgiving. They eagerly spewed insults and spit with vicious accuracy. I wondered what hurt the man more, these vile words, or the punishment covering his body.
No way would they do this to…HIM! This can’t be him. Could it?
I lost count how many times he fell hard on the street of stones. The blood, the pain and the weight of his burden, all conspiring to trip him. The forced march continued only after the soldiers made a man, randomly plucked from the crowd, carry the heavy load.
My Tears became a guttural sob, the tension ramming grief down my throat. I almost turned back, wanting to run away from the figure struggling to walk, even without the tree to carry. The mocking crowd shouted curses mixed with the name of Jesus…trying to blend them into one.
It just couldn’t be him…why would he let them do this to him?
On the mountain of skulls they nailed this battered pulp of a man to a cross. He looked un-human, torn, battered…and finished. He was unrecognizable…until I heard him speak.
“Father forgive them…they know not what they do!”
I was wrong all along…he was recognizable…
HE was Jesus.
© Jay Cookingham
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Thursday, March 26, 2015
I like to share some quick stories about some men I recently met.
One man has been dealing with abandonment issues for most of his life...he is now 75 years old.
One man grew up in a worse abuse situation than I did (if you know my story (Freedom Story) that's saying something!
One young man described himself as "Boring Brian", he struggles with self-worth.
One young man desperately wants an older man to help "father" him on his journey and walk with Jesus
They all came (along with about 40 others) to hear me speak about "Manhunt: God's Search for Sons" at my seminar at the Iron Sharpens Iron Conference in Carlise, PA (March 14th). The father wound is real, I've experienced first-hand and seen it revealed in the eyes of many brothers. When I start to share about how God wants to be their Father, no matter their age, I see a whole range of emotions cover their faces. Some wipe their eyes, some stare down at the floor with one hand wrestling for control of the other, and then there are the ones with a look of wonder as if they have heard the best news since they were forgiven of their sins... the smile gives it away.
It is for these faces... these hearts I do this. This is the message, that God is my Father, your Father, their Father, that drives me to speak, to share and to give hope.
“The child asks of the Father whom he knows. Thus, the essence of Christian prayer is not general adoration, but definite, concrete petition. The right way to approach God is to stretch out our hands and ask of One who we know has the heart of a Father.”
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
To help men stretch out their hands towards Father God is a privilege, to witness the connection happen is a blessing beyond words...even now as I write the emotion of it all swallows me in its richness and my eyes moisten with gratitude.
The stories continue...
The 75 year young brother received confirmation about a life-changing decision. He and his wife recently applied to become foster parents (at 75!), releasing the champion in them both. He will fight abandonment with acceptance.
The brother with an abuse story worse than my own sat down with me as we shared the restoring power of the love of the Father. We talked for 30 mins (after all had left) marveling about the goodness of God. Further healing was cemented.
I renamed "Boring Brian" to "Bold Brian" reminding him of who he was in Christ and that nothing is boring about a revealed son of the Father. The light in his eyes was priceless.
As for the young man seeking a spiritual dad...he had one of the biggest smiles in the room, he received hope that that man would be stepping up soon in his life. Such is the Father's love.
Fatherlessness is poison, it almost consumed me with its devastation, but the love of the Father pulled me out of darkness into His marvelous light.
I want to help Him do the same for others…to follow His plan.
His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:5
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
In a few days I'll be heading to Carlisle PA to speak at the Iron Sharpens Iron Men's Conference. This will be my second round of ISI conferences (I spoke at 2 last year) and each one is an awesome and humbling event. The fact that I am invited surprises me when you considered the heavy hitters of men ministry that are usually gathered there. As a speaker I pay my own way there (thankfully my church covers all costs) so in some ways, I feel like a freelance knight.
A lightweight spear is also called a lance. In the middle ages, a knight who could be hired to fight in different battles was referred to as a free lance. Later this word play came to mean anyone who did work for hire.
The “Iron Sharpening Iron” process is indeed the work of knights in the service of the King, I am "hired" by the Father and sent on a mission to help rescue the hearts of men. I am a FREE lance knight...freed by the sacrifice of my King to become a son.
"But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name: which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God' John 1:12,13
Everyday the Father is asking us to do the same...be His FREE agents and introduce lost sons to the Messiah…it’s our Father’s will.
I'll be speaking Saturday afternoon around 1:00 PM. Please pray that men's hearts are touch by the Father as I share His heart with them.