What am I doing here? – God’s answer
You can read part one here
What am I doing here?
The answer came to me over the course of a few days, maybe because I’m a little slow or perhaps God knew how to reach me (I’m banking on the latter).
“What are we doing here?” (Notice how I changed the question a bit, sly dog that I am) I asked my wife as we were sitting on the back deck. Could we, should we, move…to North Carolina…to Florida? Will the situation we find ourselves in…force that decision? We discussed a few options, tossed around a couple of ideas and discovered it really wasn’t a question of geography but it did concern our position.
After a while I blurted out this…
“I just don’t want to waste anymore time…or go through the motions…if we are going to stay that let’s stay with a purpose! I have such an ache to be free, to help others be free but what does that really mean anymore?”
Can you say conflicted? Later that night God provided the answer through a single word…the word?
Longing
Lately when I look towards the horizon, I’m longing for rescue, for deliverance, for a way out. My hankerings, my yen, my desires, my pining, although honest expressions; were not where my heart and soul should be.
“How lovely is your dwelling place, LORD Almighty! (2) My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” Psalm 84:1-2
My crying was centered on me, not for a deeper relationship with my God. I mean, when was the last time I was so hungry for His presence that I almost fainted? Longing for freedom isn’t wrong…it’s just not the best use of my heart. No, the best is to be with Him, to long for communion with my King, my savior…my friend.
So, in the midst of a difficult battle I find myself longing, not for release (although I would welcome that) but for relationship on a whole new level.
What am I doing here?
I’m here for Him…
“Our natural will is to have God, and the good will of God is to have us, and we may never cease willing or longing for God until we have him in the fullness of joy.” - Blessed Julian of Norwich
Comments
"Let this be thy whole endeavor, this thy prayer, this thy desire,--that thou mayest be stripped of all selfishness, and with entire simplicity follow Jesus only." --Thomas à Kempis
The battle we're in does not define who I am, only the Father can do that. I am grateful for the stripping process (not really enjoying it, but grateful) and hope that the outcome makes me more like my older brother. Thanks Bill, I aso appreciate you!