This is Love



thislove copy

Hang with me…this will be tough at the beginning…

This was going to be easy, the knife was sharp and I was all alone deep in the woods, no one would find me for days. I had run out of oxygen, I was drowning in despair and looking up from below the surface. My time had run out and I couldn’t fight back anymore. The years of abuse had piled on me, pinning me behind the line of scrimmage of hope… far from finishing the game on a good note.

I was tired, so tired of being without… without having the right clothes, the right looks, the right friends, the right family and the right to be happy. So I filled my emptiness with the self-medicating drugs of the day, each drink, each toke a reminder of what a loser I was. I was looking for numbness and all I got was a double shot of awareness.

I was a deadman walking

My commitment to Christ at age seven seemed so distant to the heart that sat on rock waiting to for a blade to bleed out its life. The wondering of “where were you God” had long past me by, like a far-off dream tugging on my sleeve but easily ignored.

I drew the knife from its sheath, the chill of the blade giving me Goosebumps, and went to make the first cut…before I could; I heard a voice… it said…


It was as if the whole universe shook; my universe anyway, with the power that only a Messiah can speak with. I stood, my head spinning around like a crazy man, looking for someone…anyone…because I thought no one was watching.

He was…Messiah was

That seventeen-year-old started a new journey that day, it wasn’t easy but he faced the abuse, the mistakes, the false identity and the true enemy with renewed faith. For years after my suicide attempt, I thought “Wow, I should be dead”…how wrong I was. The truth was that I should be alive… for that is what Messiah wanted for me… life.

After all…This is love!

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10 Tags: ,,,


Bill (cycleguy) said…
Wow! Choked me up! A life redeemed and all for His purpose.
Jay Cookingham said…
Thanks Bill, I was walking in the rain today and got to thinking about that day so many years ago. How blessed I am that my Saviour wanted life for me!
jasonS said…
Beautiful! Jay, so thankful He reached down and saved you. What a blessing to so many! Your life echoes through eternity.
Dusty Rayburn said…
Having been on that 'rock', I praise the Lord's name. In my despair and desolation, His voice rang. With hope, grace, and love, Jesus came.
Jay Cookingham said…
Appreciate that my friend...our story matters to this great Messiah and lover of our soul! Bless you Jason!
Jay Cookingham said…
Me too Martha! Each one of our rescues is a testimony of His great love for us...bless you sista!
Jay Cookingham said…
So thankful for your rescue too bro'! Thankful that His voice reached your heart! Bless ya brutha!

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