No too long ago I read a blog post that compared sermon prep to drowning; suggesting that only the breath of God can bring life to lungs crushed by the weight of water (responsibility). When I read that post, I identified with the image of a frantic man longing for rescue from his own words, drowning in his own opinionated theology, desperate to breathe in the Father’s heart in order to speak life into others.
Now I realize that this sensation is consuming my journey with Christ and not just confined to the “safe” areas of sermon prep. I’m gasping for air, I feel raw, exposed, washed up on the shore of service… thankful for missing the rocks of doubt and envy that threaten every heart devoted to the Master.
This raw emotion is separated from uncertainty; I don’t fear the exposure and the peel back of my heart but I can’t say this is a pleasant way to inhale my next breath. There is great pain involved in holding one’s breath until you break the surface of liberty. The desire to live freely burns and consumes the oxygen of my soul, igniting the cleansing process that lifts me towards the surface.
The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4
What I cough up on the shore of new life is the regrets and sorrows of an old life, anchors that weighed me down, holding my head under water and drowning me with shame. His life expands my lungs, filling them with the pure oxygen of His love and leaves me gasping for more.
In this way, being a drowning man is good. I will gladly go under His waves of mercy, His current of grace and swim with all my strength towards the shores of His heart. His breath… gives life.
“For as long as life is in me, And the breath of God is in my nostrils, My lips certainly will not speak unjustly, Nor will my tongue mutter deceit.” Job 27:3-4
Words, thoughts, opinions, theology…me... all covered by the crashing waves of who He is.
What a way to go