I’ve started this post over and over in my mind…but it’s difficult to write when you heart won’t stop and muse on just one emotion. So…I’m just going to write and see what comes out. It’s raw exposure time…I hope you’ll bear with me.
When I became a father 23 years ago I never imagined the range of changes my heart would go through, even so, you think I be used to the roller coaster effect by now. Yeah right…I’m still riding this thing but I’m not sure if my heart is going up, down or through some loop du jour…perhaps all three.
I’m not looking forward to this Saturday; my house will be missing two men for most of the year. I am happy for them…thrilled that they have two wonderful adventures unfolding before their young men eyes. That’s the up part, the “go get em” part of my father’s heart. The down part is wondering if I have done enough in getting them ready for their journey. There is part of me that worries about my mistakes and how that will hinder their growth…that’s the loop de jour part.
Josh, my oldest, has been on his journey for awhile now (2 years)…Matthew is set to leave on Friday. Then on Saturday my heart will stretch once again. Long distance fathering is hard and I’m not sure how good I really am at it…but they are worth the effort of improving that skill set. I have a saying that I use with my boys/men when we talk about challenges and this occasion fits.
This is the way of men…this is the way of sons.
Joshua and Matt…I am so proud of you. I am glad you are my sons, that you bear my name and the name of the Father. I will miss your presence on a daily basis but will rejoice that you are on the journey God has for you. I have no doubt that you will succeed and flourish according to your willingness to surrender all to Him. The example you set for your brothers and sisters is huge, the influence you live out in front of friends and others is beyond your understanding. I know you have what it takes…you have the heart, the passion and the God given ability to make a difference in this world.
I believe in you…so does the Father…go get em’!