I am a failure… but, before you rush to my defense, hear me out.
There were times I choked under pressure and bailed big time when situations were tough. There were too many days when my heart vacated when it was needed most and just because my mind was filled with selfish thoughts, I chickened out.
I covered my eyes, closed my ears and pretended not to notice suffering. I hid; I ran and preferred the shadows instead of the light.
And those were my good days.
I sought success over significance, hungered ravenously for comfort over compassion and pleasure over purity. I frustrated my own dreams by fearing the outcome and dreading the journey. Escape was the path I desired, portrayals and roles were my game pieces, but I feared the hand I was dealt. I rolled the dice, taking a chance of discovery, but quickly folded under the pressure… so afraid of being found out, revealed and exposed.
The Apostle Paul once commented, “I am the chief of all sinners”.
I think… He’s never met me.
Here’s my heart in this. Although I really don’t think that I’m a “dirty rotten sinner” anymore, I do realize how much of a failure I am without Christ. It is this realization that fuels my hope. The design of my heart was designed to be filled with Jesus. My heart was meant to have significant compassion for others and to enjoy pleasure that was pure and vital for my soul’s health. The dream and journey are one in the same because I travel with Christ.
“I am not concerned that you have fallen… I am concerned that you arise.” - Abraham Lincoln
Abe’s quote here mirrors the Father’s heart, in Psalm 37:23
“If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”
All my failures… all covered