"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands." - Psalm 143:5

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dreaming My Life Away

This post is part of Duane Scott's blog carnival Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays. Read more disturbed stories here:

This is a hard post for me…my thoughts are not all worked out yet but here it is…raw and uncensored. Please bear with me.

I had a strange dream last night and it didn’t disturb me until I was driving to work (which BTW, is a huge spoiler for this post). In my dream I was talking to a woman sitting at her desk at work, she was depressed and weary. Holding a little cardboard tray box this is what she shared…

“I collect these you know…she points to a stack under her desk…at least it seems that way. Everyday, after buying lunch at the cafeteria, I eat lunch at my desk…neatly stacking the box when I’m through.”

I look; the stack is dusty with years of history. She continues as I stare wondering…

“I had dreams, plans to make a difference…to do something remarkable. Instead, I collect cardboard boxes and neatly fold them under my desk…(she’s crying now)…I feel…stuck and unable to change.”

Taking her hand in mine I say…”Why don’t you eat outside today?

Puzzled…she looks up at me and with a quivering voice asks…You mean…I can do that?”

Driving to work the dream hit me hard. I realized, like the woman in the dream, I am satisfied with collecting little cardboard trays and looking for ways to keep the stacks neat and tidy. I have settled for something less than what God has for me. It has to do with my job, which I’m grateful to have but I feel…” stuck and unable to change.”

I have worked at the same place for longer than I care to talk about and after many years of praying for release I felt God gave me permission to change direction…(brutal honest moment here) that was three years ago. Here I sit, collecting yet another cardboard box…wondering how it happened.

Processing at work sucks…

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11: 1

So, there it is…raw and unfinished. As my faith is being stretched and as I repent throughout the day…I want to stay disturbed.

Do you? Can you pray this with me?

Disturb Us, Lord – 1577 - A Prayer by Francis Drake

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the Waters of Life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery:
Where losing sight of land
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push us in the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

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